I am Kiera, and I am 100% British English from Essex! 💅
I am guaranteed to make you feel at ease and make sure you enjoy yourself! Xxx
If youāre not just looking for a pretty face, but a well-cultured lady who is a great conversationalist and has a wicked sense of humour (my feedback shows this!) then I am the lady for you! 🔥
I like to have good quality, relaxed meets that arenāt rushed with nice clients; I donāt clock watch and like to make sure you are enjoying your time with me as much as possible.
As itās only me running my profile and doing all the admin.. it can sometimes take a while for me to respond, and I do get a lot of messages and unfortunately timewasters, so apologies if I am blunt, I have to be efficient, otherwise all my time would be wasted. I am also a student, so I donāt have very much free time as I am often studying.
My Locations:
I do outcalls to Essex, any part of London, Cambridge, Suffolk, Kent, Sussex, Hampshire, Reading, Oxford. Basically any area thatās within a 1.5/2 hour drive depending on how long the booking is xx
Payment:
Cash or bank transfer is fine, I wonāt accept crypto or gold or some other strange currency.
I wonāt ask for a deposit either, but payment will be expected before we start our session.
Protection:
I always bring lube and condoms with me and expect you to use them.
I only have regular size Durex, so if you require size XL or want to use your own, that's fine, just have them ready to use xx
ā I only see polite, respectful, normal men.
~~ Anyone ages 21 to 85 is welcome to book me, any nationality, any race, any size D is fine as long as you're gentle and respectful and speak decent enough English; all I care about is that I will be treated with respect and not coerced into weird things that were never discussed over text, or pressured to do services I either don't provide or you haven't paid for -- this is also why I dislike language barriers, client won't fully understand what they are//aren't paying for.
ā No rushed service, I donāt clock watch.
ā Hygiene is important to meā I shower and wash thoroughly after every client, so let me know whether you have a fresh towel or whether I need to bring one.
ā I always come casually dressed to be discreet and to not draw attention to us.
ā Outcalls to Hotels, Apartments, Flats, Houses ā as long as your place is fairly clean.
ā oral without included in rates, but only if youāre hygienic and have washed under your foreskin. Otherwise Iāll have to stick a flavoured condom on.
ā toys, pegging etc.
ā domination ā I am switch, I can be either Dom or Sub
ā Cuddling
ā fingering ā as long as your fingernails arenāt dirty or sharp or too long.
ā You can book me to go to swingers bars and events (As I am under 25, please check the club's age restrictions! Wouldn't be good to go there just to be turned away because they're an over 25's only club) Also please no āWanking Deadā. 🤣💀
~~ I really do appreciate all the wonderful lovely clients who have booked me and treated me well (and vise versa).
It makes me feel like doing my job is worthwhile. I will continue to make sure you are well looked after and provide top service that leaves you feeling great, refreshed and satisfied to the max. ā¤ļøā🔥💯💋 xx
I am guaranteed to make you feel at ease and make sure you enjoy yourself! Xxx
If youāre not just looking for a pretty face, but a well-cultured lady who is a great conversationalist and has a wicked sense of humour (my feedback shows this!) then I am the lady for you! 🔥
I like to have good quality, relaxed meets that arenāt rushed with nice clients; I donāt clock watch and like to make sure you are enjoying your time with me as much as possible.
As itās only me running my profile and doing all the admin.. it can sometimes take a while for me to respond, and I do get a lot of messages and unfortunately timewasters, so apologies if I am blunt, I have to be efficient, otherwise all my time would be wasted. I am also a student, so I donāt have very much free time as I am often studying.
My Locations:
I do outcalls to Essex, any part of London, Cambridge, Suffolk, Kent, Sussex, Hampshire, Reading, Oxford. Basically any area thatās within a 1.5/2 hour drive depending on how long the booking is xx
Payment:
Cash or bank transfer is fine, I wonāt accept crypto or gold or some other strange currency.
I wonāt ask for a deposit either, but payment will be expected before we start our session.
Protection:
I always bring lube and condoms with me and expect you to use them.
I only have regular size Durex, so if you require size XL or want to use your own, that's fine, just have them ready to use xx
ā I only see polite, respectful, normal men.
~~ Anyone ages 21 to 85 is welcome to book me, any nationality, any race, any size D is fine as long as you're gentle and respectful and speak decent enough English; all I care about is that I will be treated with respect and not coerced into weird things that were never discussed over text, or pressured to do services I either don't provide or you haven't paid for -- this is also why I dislike language barriers, client won't fully understand what they are//aren't paying for.
ā No rushed service, I donāt clock watch.
ā Hygiene is important to meā I shower and wash thoroughly after every client, so let me know whether you have a fresh towel or whether I need to bring one.
ā I always come casually dressed to be discreet and to not draw attention to us.
ā Outcalls to Hotels, Apartments, Flats, Houses ā as long as your place is fairly clean.
ā oral without included in rates, but only if youāre hygienic and have washed under your foreskin. Otherwise Iāll have to stick a flavoured condom on.
ā toys, pegging etc.
ā domination ā I am switch, I can be either Dom or Sub
ā Cuddling
ā fingering ā as long as your fingernails arenāt dirty or sharp or too long.
ā You can book me to go to swingers bars and events (As I am under 25, please check the club's age restrictions! Wouldn't be good to go there just to be turned away because they're an over 25's only club) Also please no āWanking Deadā. 🤣💀
~~ I really do appreciate all the wonderful lovely clients who have booked me and treated me well (and vise versa).
It makes me feel like doing my job is worthwhile. I will continue to make sure you are well looked after and provide top service that leaves you feeling great, refreshed and satisfied to the max. ā¤ļøā🔥💯💋 xx
āØ The regular GFE or PSE service is £200 an hour and it includes:
Oral without protection
Protected sex
Cuddling
Fingering
Oral on me
Lapdance
Edging
Massage
Porn star experience
Girlfriend experience
Chatting, drinks etc.
Toys ā state which toys youād like
Kissing
Oral without protection
Protected sex
Cuddling
Fingering
Oral on me
Lapdance
Edging
Massage
Porn star experience
Girlfriend experience
Chatting, drinks etc.
Toys ā state which toys youād like
Kissing
🔥 EVERYTHING that is included in the £250 an hour āextras and fetishā service:
Filming
Facial
Rimming either way
Fetishes
Watersports
Food play / sploshing
Domination (either way)
Fetishes ā nothing too extreme.
Prostate massage ā Let me know beforehand if youād like this, then I know to bring latex gloves.
Oral without protection
Protected sex
Cuddling
Fingering
Oral on me
Lapdance
Edging
Massage
Porn star experience
Girlfriend experience
Chatting, drinks etc.
Toys
Kissing
🔥 Me dominating you:
Tickling
Cock and ball torture
Strap on
Wrestling
Slapping
Kicking
Punching
Ball busting
Small penis humiliation
Name calling
I will make sure I respect your boundaries and I wonāt be too rough or do anything you donāt want done xx
You dominating me:
I am happy for you to take charge, but:
I donāt enjoy anything too rough
I am not into blood play, vomit play or anything extreme.
No hairpulling ā my hair is always tied up when meeting and I dislike it being touched.
No blindfolding
I will only do restraints and handcuffs etc. if Iāve met you before and know youāre safe!
Only message me if you actually intend on booking a session.
Over text or email clients must state exactly what services they are after and the price they are paying to confirm everything that's expected to happen in the session... I don't like surprises.
ā No dirty talk over phone or text, that is not a service I provideā¦ No wanking on the phone, I will hang up. Either book a session or donāt mess me around. I am not here for your free entertainment and I donāt owe you a free phone chat or sexting session..
ā I donāt send pics or videos over text. If you want pics or videos of me they are all on here.
ā I donāt do incalls, car meets or outside meetsā¦ outcall only.
ā I wonāt answer any of the following silly timewasting questions, even if youāve made a booking with me and Iāll happily ignore until you cancel the booking because I donāt see clients who donāt read my profile and ask silly questions:
āYou availableā
āPostcodeā
āCan you come now babe?ā
āare you actually 22?ā
āYou actually british?ā
āProve to me youāre the woman in the photosā
āWhatās your dress size/boob size?ā
āAre your nails painted?ā
āSend me pics of youā
āYou got sniff?ā
āYou party?ā
āCan you send me your content?ā
āSend me your profileā
āWill you do 15 mins babe?ā
āI have £80, you come now!!ā
āWill you see both me and my friend for £100?ā
āWhat uniforms you got? Send me pics babeā
āCan I lick your feet for 12p?ā
āWill you do deep anal for £50?ā
ā¦Those questions arenāt asked by people who are serious about booking me and paying for my servicesā¦
I also dislike being called pet name like ābabeā over text, and I will most likely ignore your message and reply to others.
I wonāt tolerate disrespect or rude behaviour or timewasting.
If you cancel last minute, my rule is that you wonāt be able to book again and will be blocked.
Unfortunately I have to operate this way because there are a lot of selfish, ignorant people about.
I will not tolerate drugs around me, if you mention drugs over text, I will have to cancel.
Likewise, if you start doing them infront of me I will have to end the meet and the money will be non-refundable.
If you visibly have an STD upon meeting, I will have to end the meet as youāve tried to put my health at risk and the money will be non-refundable.
If a client becomes rude, pushy or aggressive, I will not tolerate that behaviour and again money non-refundable. No negotiation on getting any money back whatsoever.
Also on arrival, if a client starts expecting services I donāt provide (and we never discussed those services over text and I feel that they have ill intentions towards me) I will not provide services and leave with full payment, as I am not at fault ā shouldāve read my profile or booked a different escort who provides those services instead rather than messing me about.
Timewasters, people who mess us around and people who cancel last minute, will be named and shamed!
We will post about you in a group chat with their full names, photos, phone numbers and possibly addresses so other escorts know to avoid them.
We might even find your partner or mother on social media and send them the screenshots of your text messages or even post you on an online forum so anyone who searches your name will see it on the internet.
Timewasting and messaging us awful messages or outright harassing us is a big no no.
Over text or email clients must state exactly what services they are after and the price they are paying to confirm everything that's expected to happen in the session... I don't like surprises.
ā No dirty talk over phone or text, that is not a service I provideā¦ No wanking on the phone, I will hang up. Either book a session or donāt mess me around. I am not here for your free entertainment and I donāt owe you a free phone chat or sexting session..
ā I donāt send pics or videos over text. If you want pics or videos of me they are all on here.
ā I donāt do incalls, car meets or outside meetsā¦ outcall only.
ā I wonāt answer any of the following silly timewasting questions, even if youāve made a booking with me and Iāll happily ignore until you cancel the booking because I donāt see clients who donāt read my profile and ask silly questions:
āYou availableā
āPostcodeā
āCan you come now babe?ā
āare you actually 22?ā
āYou actually british?ā
āProve to me youāre the woman in the photosā
āWhatās your dress size/boob size?ā
āAre your nails painted?ā
āSend me pics of youā
āYou got sniff?ā
āYou party?ā
āCan you send me your content?ā
āSend me your profileā
āWill you do 15 mins babe?ā
āI have £80, you come now!!ā
āWill you see both me and my friend for £100?ā
āWhat uniforms you got? Send me pics babeā
āCan I lick your feet for 12p?ā
āWill you do deep anal for £50?ā
ā¦Those questions arenāt asked by people who are serious about booking me and paying for my servicesā¦
I also dislike being called pet name like ābabeā over text, and I will most likely ignore your message and reply to others.
I wonāt tolerate disrespect or rude behaviour or timewasting.
If you cancel last minute, my rule is that you wonāt be able to book again and will be blocked.
Unfortunately I have to operate this way because there are a lot of selfish, ignorant people about.
I will not tolerate drugs around me, if you mention drugs over text, I will have to cancel.
Likewise, if you start doing them infront of me I will have to end the meet and the money will be non-refundable.
If you visibly have an STD upon meeting, I will have to end the meet as youāve tried to put my health at risk and the money will be non-refundable.
If a client becomes rude, pushy or aggressive, I will not tolerate that behaviour and again money non-refundable. No negotiation on getting any money back whatsoever.
Also on arrival, if a client starts expecting services I donāt provide (and we never discussed those services over text and I feel that they have ill intentions towards me) I will not provide services and leave with full payment, as I am not at fault ā shouldāve read my profile or booked a different escort who provides those services instead rather than messing me about.
Timewasters, people who mess us around and people who cancel last minute, will be named and shamed!
We will post about you in a group chat with their full names, photos, phone numbers and possibly addresses so other escorts know to avoid them.
We might even find your partner or mother on social media and send them the screenshots of your text messages or even post you on an online forum so anyone who searches your name will see it on the internet.
Timewasting and messaging us awful messages or outright harassing us is a big no no.
12 noon till 10pm ~~ My availability.
Message me for special offers! 🎉
Message me for special offers! 🎉
Other info:
Completely natural body, big boobs and bum, 5 ft 6ā tall. Hygiene is very important to me, and I shower thoroughly after every client.
I wax and shave oftenly so I am usually completely hair-free down there with no hair at all. Same with most of my body.
I also exfoliate often to keep my skin smooth.
I donāt smoke. Rarely drink, sometimes a beer.
Hair colour: Blonde
Hair length: very long
Eye colour: Green
Height: 5 ft 6ā
Body type: curvy, but toned as I lift weights.
Shoe size: 7
Bust size: 34DD - I havenāt measured in a while, since I rarely wear bras!
N & S section -- people who mess me around will be put here including their username, phone number and other details:
I really am grateful to the guys who do book me and treat me well and I am more than happy to give top quality service to guys who are respectful and don't break promises, it's just unfortunate that there's a few people who ruin things for the rest of us.
ā¦ It still amazes me what some men do to get themselves offā¦ I hear something new every day.
Donāt worry Iām not judgemental or anything like that, just felt like sharing my experiences for a bit of comedy or because people seem interested in my stories whenever I mention them.
Hopefully you find this is slightly funny or amusing, but these are the worst types of clients Iāve come across apart from the more obvious creeps or weirdos weād block and completely ignore:
(Also just unexpected clients or surprises or just weird ones! Haha basically anything entertaining etc.)
1) The pest who wanks in the window..
I donāt charge for a deposit because I empathise with clients who have told me theyāve been robbed before..
..However, the dregs of society who seen to think itās perfectly ok to call us to a wrong address (usually one across the road from their house so they can get a kick out of watching us walk up and down their street, whilst they wank) and block our phone numbersā¦ these guys are the ones ruining fun things for peopleā¦
Itās always the minority of arseholes ruining fun things. People like them are why escorts end up having to charge deposits and canāt trust even clients with loads of good feedback.. (Iāve had a some with loads of good feedback do this to me).
It really ruins my day when iāve driven 1.5 hours to meet, realising Iāve been given the wrong addressā¦ I then phone call the āclientā and heās now trying to talk dirty to me and I can hear him wanking on the phoneā¦ then I see a guy looking out his window wanking, watching meā¦ Urgh creepy. I message/phone and realise theyāve blocked my number.. now had my time wasted, 3 hoursā driving time and fuelā¦
2) The āclientā who makes false promises.. getās what he wants.. then cancels the booking that he never intended to keep.. and has a poor excuse.
Some guys seem to use their 5000 good feedback to make false promises and mess us aroundā¦
theyāll book 1 week in advance then expect you to sext them or send sexy photos EVERY SINGLE DAY until the booking or atleast spend ages having long drawn out conversationsā¦
then they cancel the booking last minute right on the day, after theyāve gotten what they want (sexting or conversations and attention or nothing since we didnāt engage in their silliness).
And if we donāt engage with their attempts to sext, they cancel the booking claiming weāre ignoring them or that we must be not interested in seeing themā¦ Nope we just donāt want to engage in your silly games because we know we will end up being used for your free entertainmentā¦
Makes me wonder whether guys share their mates accounts to rack up loads of good feedback to try to con us into giving them more etc. either way, we can see what youāre doingā¦
3) The guy who suddenly expects services he never mentioned over textā¦ and didnāt read my profile..
Quite a shock when I arrive to see Barry, 63, or 58 year old Steve, has laid out wrist and ankle restraints in their living room, with 20 different whips and a blindfold and nipple clampsā¦ and five bowls of custard and a fish tankā¦ and different porn videos on each of the five tvās in that room.. usually really old amateur porn tapes with dodgy acting..
After he said over text that he was after 2 hours Girlfriend experience.. then he says āsorry Iāve only got £150 in cash, so unless you do [all these things] for me, you will have to leave now empty handedāā¦ These are one of the worst types of clients.. and they wonāt get the amazing service theyāre after by acting this way..
4) The 70 year old āLeather Daddyā with dementia who wants to dominate youā¦
.. If your older father seems slightly āout of itā please keep a close eye on himā¦ and make sure he doesnāt escape the care home..
Pretty much the same as above, apart from he seems fine at first (and are better at saying what they want over text) but then gradually gets scarier or pushes your boundaries in a weird kind of confused forgetful way..
and seems completely oblivious to your reactions or how your feeling or forgets what you just told himā¦
they usually have old vintage paintings all around their house of naked ladies that they like to show off (quite sleazy) and live in the middle of nowhere on some farmā¦ not the most comfortable of experiences.. not dangerous as such but just very odd characters and uncomfortable to be around..
usually their sex toys or leathers havenāt been washed and have pubic hairs in them or are smellyā¦ yuck.
Or generally their whole place is filthy and has a musty smell to it.
4) Language barrierā¦
I donāt need to explain much on this one.
Sticks it in the wrong hole and doesnāt seem to understand what heās doing wrong.. then his best mate and his wife burst through the door and seem to want to stand there and watch.. infact maybe his wife even paid for his escort? Seemed like it when she handed the money over.. lol
Then starts talking about how he must be the best shag in the worldā¦ but in broken englishā¦ haha
5) The guy who booked me because I look like his daughterā¦
I get there and everything goes well and I think heās genuinely a sweet guyā¦
until I come out the shower and get dressed and he starts showing me photos of his daughter because I look like a splitting image of herā¦ I just continue sipping the red wine and keep my mouth shut.. āoh she looks niceāā¦
6) The American sports cokehead..
Usually comes over here from the USA for some sports tournamentā¦ pool or snookerā¦ and still in their pool outfit when I meet them at their posh central London hotel. Seems extremely friendly and very chatty from the start.
Offers to pour me a drinkā¦ fills the wine glass up to the top with pure whiskey (!!) so I stick to my water.. I go to the bathroom and hear him sniffing discreetly but I know itās cokeā¦ he getās more hyperactive, then pounds the daylights out of me for 45 mins (1 hour booking), I genuinely have to stop because it makes me soreā¦ he gets frustrated because he canāt cum.. I get a little worried... then he says āok itās fine, you take a shower, itās my fault I canāt cum, Iāve had too much to drinkā then tips me 50 dollars by sticking it in my underwear and keeps apologising whilst coked upā¦ Was a bit scary, but wasnāt expecting the tip at the end.. but left a bit soreā¦ wouldnāt see him again, not worth the tip he gave me.
7) The Van manā¦
I can usually tell what occupation someone does by how they sound on the phoneā¦ the rough east end accent gives it awayā¦ I pull up outside their house and see about five vans and a cement mixer on their driveway and this āoh.. i know how this will goā¦ā then get greated at the door by a guy who smells of weed.. we get chatting and he seems pleasant enough, but after a few drinks starts talking about three masons and how he actually works for the metropolitan police and how he will pull me over if I donāt get my headlight bulb changed. But really he does work for a construction company, heās just on a power trip.. or wants to intimidate me for some weird reason.
Then starts complaining about having to use condoms and asking if he can stick it in without one.. saying his dick is too big to fit in condoms.. I say no, and then he starts talking about how much of a gentleman he is.. yuck. Not to mention the dirty fingernails and rough hands and overall lack of hygiene. Then I realised Iāve stayed way overtime because heās talking crap then I say I have to leaveā¦ he then starts begging me to stay longer to give him another blowjob for £40ā¦ I politely decline and leave. Then an hour later get creepy messages from him saying heās memorised my car registration plate and because he works for the police he will pull me overā¦ I just block him and screenshot the message for evidence incase he tries anything crazyā¦ they also tend to start asking for loads of extras (and donāt want to pay extra for them) or expect us to give them āmates ratesā.. on the first meeting.. if he canāt afford it, why doesnāt he go to someone cheaper?.. probably likes the power tripā¦
8) The Mcdonaldās fantasistā¦ oh god
I wake up in the morning to find my emails and work phone riddled with ridiculous paragraphs from fantasists who say things like āI want you to meet me at this McDonalds at 9am, wearing just a denim jacket and a very short skirt, no top and no shoes no underwearā¦ i then want you to buy three cheese burgers and rub them all over your face and tits infront of everyone, then start shoving the burgers up your fanny. Then iāll take you to the toilets and Iāll f*** your arse bare, then gradually fit all three burgers up there and stretch it wide open, then iāll stick my dick in there too and cum on the burgers and make you eat them. You like this babe? Can we negotiate on the pay as I donāt have much money at the momentāā¦ I shouldnāt have replied, but I said āThat would get me arrested, I donāt even provide this as a serviceā then blocked him. This is why I wonāt do EVERY fetishā¦ some of them are just ridiculousā¦
9) Young guy who works at a burger placeā¦
I do get guys who are ages 19 to 30 (I prefer ages 35 to 50 because theyāre more chilled out usually).
The problem with younger guys is they tend to be more flakey and undecisive. Had a few who work at burger places who are on a low wage, therefore canāt really afford an escort, but get one anyway, and they always pressure me to stay longer than the time paid for or try to get as much out of me for their money (I donāt have an issue with that as long as itās done fairly and not in a creepy way)ā¦ I have an issue when they donāt understand how things work or demand I do it without a condom (and never mentioned thatās what they wanted over text either) because their girlfriend letās them do it without oneā¦ well Iām not your girlfriendā¦ sorry buddy.. just the general awkwardness with the younger ones sometimes or they book an hour and I arrive there then they ask āoh do you do 15 mins instead? Iāve got £80ā when Iāve driven 1 hour to themā¦ ānope we are doing the full hour as youāve booked!ā ā¦then they reluctantly hand the rest of the cash to meā¦ shouldnāt make promises you donāt want to keep..
10) Guy who suddenly wants analā¦ butt pest from hellā¦
I donāt provide anal as a service. I dislike it when men ask for itā¦. Even worse when a guy slips a finger in without asking or is suddenly persistant for anal when he never mentioned it over textā¦ obviously my answer will be noā¦ I also hate it when people donāt read my likes list and just assume I will do analā¦
11) That weirdo who always posts reverse bookings on here for £350 for 1 hour with āpregnancy riskā role playā¦
I donāt understand this manā¦ NO COMMENT
12) The client whoās scared of catching every STD under the sun because he kissed meā¦
This one is trickyā¦ Iāve never had a cold sore and Iām on Prep and I always use condoms when workingā¦ and I also tell them that the risk of catching anything from oral without a condom is very low (you canāt catch HIV from oral either etc.) and I tell them that every single STI check Iāve had, has come back completely clear, Iāve honestly never caught an STD in my life. But still theyāre hyperventilating after one kiss and I try to reassure them but thereās not a lot else I can doā¦ 🤷🏼āāļø Also the main reason I donāt do anal as a service is because its the highest risk type of sex for catching somethingā¦ even after explaining all this heās still worrying himself to death that he will die of aids tomorrow, despite not doing a lot with any woman tbhā¦
13) The freebie I gave out to my college lecturer in my carā¦ That was hot 🥵 and totally unexpected!!
Well that was fun! He was hung like a donkey 🫏 Bigger than expected! 10/10 would bang again! ā¤ļøā🔥💋💯
Now I can check that off my bucket list! ā
Completely natural body, big boobs and bum, 5 ft 6ā tall. Hygiene is very important to me, and I shower thoroughly after every client.
I wax and shave oftenly so I am usually completely hair-free down there with no hair at all. Same with most of my body.
I also exfoliate often to keep my skin smooth.
I donāt smoke. Rarely drink, sometimes a beer.
Hair colour: Blonde
Hair length: very long
Eye colour: Green
Height: 5 ft 6ā
Body type: curvy, but toned as I lift weights.
Shoe size: 7
Bust size: 34DD - I havenāt measured in a while, since I rarely wear bras!
N & S section -- people who mess me around will be put here including their username, phone number and other details:
I really am grateful to the guys who do book me and treat me well and I am more than happy to give top quality service to guys who are respectful and don't break promises, it's just unfortunate that there's a few people who ruin things for the rest of us.
ā¦ It still amazes me what some men do to get themselves offā¦ I hear something new every day.
Donāt worry Iām not judgemental or anything like that, just felt like sharing my experiences for a bit of comedy or because people seem interested in my stories whenever I mention them.
Hopefully you find this is slightly funny or amusing, but these are the worst types of clients Iāve come across apart from the more obvious creeps or weirdos weād block and completely ignore:
(Also just unexpected clients or surprises or just weird ones! Haha basically anything entertaining etc.)
1) The pest who wanks in the window..
I donāt charge for a deposit because I empathise with clients who have told me theyāve been robbed before..
..However, the dregs of society who seen to think itās perfectly ok to call us to a wrong address (usually one across the road from their house so they can get a kick out of watching us walk up and down their street, whilst they wank) and block our phone numbersā¦ these guys are the ones ruining fun things for peopleā¦
Itās always the minority of arseholes ruining fun things. People like them are why escorts end up having to charge deposits and canāt trust even clients with loads of good feedback.. (Iāve had a some with loads of good feedback do this to me).
It really ruins my day when iāve driven 1.5 hours to meet, realising Iāve been given the wrong addressā¦ I then phone call the āclientā and heās now trying to talk dirty to me and I can hear him wanking on the phoneā¦ then I see a guy looking out his window wanking, watching meā¦ Urgh creepy. I message/phone and realise theyāve blocked my number.. now had my time wasted, 3 hoursā driving time and fuelā¦
2) The āclientā who makes false promises.. getās what he wants.. then cancels the booking that he never intended to keep.. and has a poor excuse.
Some guys seem to use their 5000 good feedback to make false promises and mess us aroundā¦
theyāll book 1 week in advance then expect you to sext them or send sexy photos EVERY SINGLE DAY until the booking or atleast spend ages having long drawn out conversationsā¦
then they cancel the booking last minute right on the day, after theyāve gotten what they want (sexting or conversations and attention or nothing since we didnāt engage in their silliness).
And if we donāt engage with their attempts to sext, they cancel the booking claiming weāre ignoring them or that we must be not interested in seeing themā¦ Nope we just donāt want to engage in your silly games because we know we will end up being used for your free entertainmentā¦
Makes me wonder whether guys share their mates accounts to rack up loads of good feedback to try to con us into giving them more etc. either way, we can see what youāre doingā¦
3) The guy who suddenly expects services he never mentioned over textā¦ and didnāt read my profile..
Quite a shock when I arrive to see Barry, 63, or 58 year old Steve, has laid out wrist and ankle restraints in their living room, with 20 different whips and a blindfold and nipple clampsā¦ and five bowls of custard and a fish tankā¦ and different porn videos on each of the five tvās in that room.. usually really old amateur porn tapes with dodgy acting..
After he said over text that he was after 2 hours Girlfriend experience.. then he says āsorry Iāve only got £150 in cash, so unless you do [all these things] for me, you will have to leave now empty handedāā¦ These are one of the worst types of clients.. and they wonāt get the amazing service theyāre after by acting this way..
4) The 70 year old āLeather Daddyā with dementia who wants to dominate youā¦
.. If your older father seems slightly āout of itā please keep a close eye on himā¦ and make sure he doesnāt escape the care home..
Pretty much the same as above, apart from he seems fine at first (and are better at saying what they want over text) but then gradually gets scarier or pushes your boundaries in a weird kind of confused forgetful way..
and seems completely oblivious to your reactions or how your feeling or forgets what you just told himā¦
they usually have old vintage paintings all around their house of naked ladies that they like to show off (quite sleazy) and live in the middle of nowhere on some farmā¦ not the most comfortable of experiences.. not dangerous as such but just very odd characters and uncomfortable to be around..
usually their sex toys or leathers havenāt been washed and have pubic hairs in them or are smellyā¦ yuck.
Or generally their whole place is filthy and has a musty smell to it.
4) Language barrierā¦
I donāt need to explain much on this one.
Sticks it in the wrong hole and doesnāt seem to understand what heās doing wrong.. then his best mate and his wife burst through the door and seem to want to stand there and watch.. infact maybe his wife even paid for his escort? Seemed like it when she handed the money over.. lol
Then starts talking about how he must be the best shag in the worldā¦ but in broken englishā¦ haha
5) The guy who booked me because I look like his daughterā¦
I get there and everything goes well and I think heās genuinely a sweet guyā¦
until I come out the shower and get dressed and he starts showing me photos of his daughter because I look like a splitting image of herā¦ I just continue sipping the red wine and keep my mouth shut.. āoh she looks niceāā¦
6) The American sports cokehead..
Usually comes over here from the USA for some sports tournamentā¦ pool or snookerā¦ and still in their pool outfit when I meet them at their posh central London hotel. Seems extremely friendly and very chatty from the start.
Offers to pour me a drinkā¦ fills the wine glass up to the top with pure whiskey (!!) so I stick to my water.. I go to the bathroom and hear him sniffing discreetly but I know itās cokeā¦ he getās more hyperactive, then pounds the daylights out of me for 45 mins (1 hour booking), I genuinely have to stop because it makes me soreā¦ he gets frustrated because he canāt cum.. I get a little worried... then he says āok itās fine, you take a shower, itās my fault I canāt cum, Iāve had too much to drinkā then tips me 50 dollars by sticking it in my underwear and keeps apologising whilst coked upā¦ Was a bit scary, but wasnāt expecting the tip at the end.. but left a bit soreā¦ wouldnāt see him again, not worth the tip he gave me.
7) The Van manā¦
I can usually tell what occupation someone does by how they sound on the phoneā¦ the rough east end accent gives it awayā¦ I pull up outside their house and see about five vans and a cement mixer on their driveway and this āoh.. i know how this will goā¦ā then get greated at the door by a guy who smells of weed.. we get chatting and he seems pleasant enough, but after a few drinks starts talking about three masons and how he actually works for the metropolitan police and how he will pull me over if I donāt get my headlight bulb changed. But really he does work for a construction company, heās just on a power trip.. or wants to intimidate me for some weird reason.
Then starts complaining about having to use condoms and asking if he can stick it in without one.. saying his dick is too big to fit in condoms.. I say no, and then he starts talking about how much of a gentleman he is.. yuck. Not to mention the dirty fingernails and rough hands and overall lack of hygiene. Then I realised Iāve stayed way overtime because heās talking crap then I say I have to leaveā¦ he then starts begging me to stay longer to give him another blowjob for £40ā¦ I politely decline and leave. Then an hour later get creepy messages from him saying heās memorised my car registration plate and because he works for the police he will pull me overā¦ I just block him and screenshot the message for evidence incase he tries anything crazyā¦ they also tend to start asking for loads of extras (and donāt want to pay extra for them) or expect us to give them āmates ratesā.. on the first meeting.. if he canāt afford it, why doesnāt he go to someone cheaper?.. probably likes the power tripā¦
8) The Mcdonaldās fantasistā¦ oh god
I wake up in the morning to find my emails and work phone riddled with ridiculous paragraphs from fantasists who say things like āI want you to meet me at this McDonalds at 9am, wearing just a denim jacket and a very short skirt, no top and no shoes no underwearā¦ i then want you to buy three cheese burgers and rub them all over your face and tits infront of everyone, then start shoving the burgers up your fanny. Then iāll take you to the toilets and Iāll f*** your arse bare, then gradually fit all three burgers up there and stretch it wide open, then iāll stick my dick in there too and cum on the burgers and make you eat them. You like this babe? Can we negotiate on the pay as I donāt have much money at the momentāā¦ I shouldnāt have replied, but I said āThat would get me arrested, I donāt even provide this as a serviceā then blocked him. This is why I wonāt do EVERY fetishā¦ some of them are just ridiculousā¦
9) Young guy who works at a burger placeā¦
I do get guys who are ages 19 to 30 (I prefer ages 35 to 50 because theyāre more chilled out usually).
The problem with younger guys is they tend to be more flakey and undecisive. Had a few who work at burger places who are on a low wage, therefore canāt really afford an escort, but get one anyway, and they always pressure me to stay longer than the time paid for or try to get as much out of me for their money (I donāt have an issue with that as long as itās done fairly and not in a creepy way)ā¦ I have an issue when they donāt understand how things work or demand I do it without a condom (and never mentioned thatās what they wanted over text either) because their girlfriend letās them do it without oneā¦ well Iām not your girlfriendā¦ sorry buddy.. just the general awkwardness with the younger ones sometimes or they book an hour and I arrive there then they ask āoh do you do 15 mins instead? Iāve got £80ā when Iāve driven 1 hour to themā¦ ānope we are doing the full hour as youāve booked!ā ā¦then they reluctantly hand the rest of the cash to meā¦ shouldnāt make promises you donāt want to keep..
10) Guy who suddenly wants analā¦ butt pest from hellā¦
I donāt provide anal as a service. I dislike it when men ask for itā¦. Even worse when a guy slips a finger in without asking or is suddenly persistant for anal when he never mentioned it over textā¦ obviously my answer will be noā¦ I also hate it when people donāt read my likes list and just assume I will do analā¦
11) That weirdo who always posts reverse bookings on here for £350 for 1 hour with āpregnancy riskā role playā¦
I donāt understand this manā¦ NO COMMENT
12) The client whoās scared of catching every STD under the sun because he kissed meā¦
This one is trickyā¦ Iāve never had a cold sore and Iām on Prep and I always use condoms when workingā¦ and I also tell them that the risk of catching anything from oral without a condom is very low (you canāt catch HIV from oral either etc.) and I tell them that every single STI check Iāve had, has come back completely clear, Iāve honestly never caught an STD in my life. But still theyāre hyperventilating after one kiss and I try to reassure them but thereās not a lot else I can doā¦ 🤷🏼āāļø Also the main reason I donāt do anal as a service is because its the highest risk type of sex for catching somethingā¦ even after explaining all this heās still worrying himself to death that he will die of aids tomorrow, despite not doing a lot with any woman tbhā¦
13) The freebie I gave out to my college lecturer in my carā¦ That was hot 🥵 and totally unexpected!!
Well that was fun! He was hung like a donkey 🫏 Bigger than expected! 10/10 would bang again! ā¤ļøā🔥💋💯
Now I can check that off my bucket list! ā
